you know you are in Nairobi university when ...

• 
  
• you do not believe in full-stops when your brain has hit a permanent hiatus but insist on keeping on with a sentence like " ok ... you know ... it is like in ... like ok ... as in we can't really ... you know ... i mean ... ok" wishing that somehow, with all the grace of the lord and of your mother, that your brain will jumpstart itself again
  
• you are so broke that you owe yourself money, your pupils have changed into dollar signs and you are having this crazy look when you are staring at your roommate because to you he has turned into a giant grilled chicken wearing snickers
• you are facing any of the following calamities:

you don't have a girlfriend
you have a boyfriend
you have a girlfriend
you don't have a boyfriend

• you have an impressive CV filled with all flamboyant pages and colourful fonts but with little information therein hoping against hope that your prospective employer will be so much awe-struck by your creative design talent that he will be blind to every other setbacks very apparently clear to you
• you can buy a kshs. 20 000 phone but still believe that getting hold of a kshs. 250 phone credit from the tuck-shop is being extravagant
• your meals have the same colour assortment: white and green ... you can scatter a little bit of red once in a while but that is entirely optional and depends on the heaviness of your wallet ... if you are in the same university as I am you will know what am talking about
• you have completely manipulated all the electricity gadgets in your room with wires criss-crossing all over the place like laser beams guarding the Star of Africa ( the largest diamond in the world) that it will not be too soon before you blow up with the rest of your property like a missile in the deserts of Lebanon ... (forgive me, but i was trying to employ some literary talent here)
• you keep claiming you are fluent in French when all you can manage is 'joie de vivre' and "je ne sais quoi' which you keep employing in the most inappropriate places just to show off like " i am going to buy mangoes ... voila! joie de vivre et je ne sais quoi" ... of course your roommate will never know how much of a buffoon your are because lucky for you he does not know francais
• you speak with an American accent but believe 'allude' is a Spanish word
• you pass examinations when you do not read and fail when you try to
• everyone including your mother is beginning to notice that you are sounding less intelligent than you did when you were in high school
• you believe that whoever said that slippers solely belong to the bathroom was in serious need of seeing a psychologist
• you only have one suit and you can easily commit murder if someone spills broth on it
• you suffer from a severe psychosomatic paranoia that makes you desperate to do all the proffesional courses in town ... ACCA, CPA, Free Japanese Lessons at the Japan embassy (you wanted either german or french but the fees at Alliance Francaise and the Goethe Institute was too expensive), CIMA, CISA, CMA, CASA ... and any other possible acronyms starting with the letter C ... please do not ask me what all those initials stand for!
• you are taking Economics and believe that the degree is so dynamic that it is going to land you a lead role in a movie with Halle Berry
• you never go home during holidays, violently occupying the bedspace of a fellow comrade in session, claiming loudly that you are looking for an attachement while all you wish for is the free DSTV channel in campus
• your lips bleed every time you smile because of severe malnutrition
• you do not know with whom you had sex last night
• you have no problem with sober people so long as they act drunk in public
• you make a list titled you know you are in Nairobi university when ...