rumours from the sacred canopy

i have punished myself many times in my life ... i punished myself when i loped off a flowerhead of a pretty little dahlia ... it grew alone on a dry patch of my pero's flower garden ... nothing else that had life was around it at least if one could choose to ignore the ants that scurried about ... all the other flowers kept their distance and grew bright and strong ... and those that tried to give close comfort to the dahlia simply died ... i never came to understand why that dahlia managed to sprout all alone where others had failed ... it reminded me of Robert Frost's The Road Less Travelled ... but flowers do not travel ... they get stuck in the same spot till they wither and die ... but that dahlia did not wither ... i uprooted it all and flushed it down the toilet ... it had to die because i had cut off its flowerhead ... it had to die because it was not perfect as before ... and its presence in the dry patch of earth ... its stubborn persistence where others had not tried to grow... suddenly became irritating ... and i killed it!

i cried when it was gone ... i cried because i had lost a friend ... a pretty little flower friend ... i never knew her name ... she just went away nameless ... and i knew that in that dry patch of earth, there was nothing i could stare at again ... was i envious of the dahlia ... i do not have the slightest idea ... may be one day ... when i finally climb the hill which everyone is supposed to climb ... at one time or another ... i will look back and feel pity for what i did

but i cannot look back now ... i cannot afford to turn back my head and be all teary-eyed about my past ... i have to fix my legs to the present ... that dreadful split second where everything takes place ... but every time i try to do that i simply float ... my head does not just want to see what i want to see ... it wants me to have a look at the dark patches ... the dark patches that i have been trying to avoid ... may be they are not real ... but what else in this world is real ... dream? hope? Love? ... may be we all are demigods with the ability to create what is real for our existence and to dismiss the rest as fantasy ... i will simply reach out then, to my inner demigod, and fill the world with pretty little dahlias ... THEN I WILL KILL THEM ALL!!!