decameron was a lovely character ... i met him in a voluminous literature book that me daddy got from the USA ... he was taking something very anti-literature for his first degree and second but trust my father to read any book that falls within his sight
nways, it was a literature book that highlighted all the major epic tales cultivated in the western hemisphere through history ... it is the kind of book that you read in hiding lest people think you are a mad proffessor
decameron ... he lived when everyone in europe was dying because of rats ... though everyone at the time thought that they were being cursed by witches ... so as his friends and probably family kick their life buckets and succumb to death through bubonic plague, decameron writes stories about sex ... wonderful fellow!
the first tale is about a silly girl who wonders to a desert where a monk lived naked, depriving himself of every material item so as to be closer to the provedence ... now silly girls do not think to much ... so they do not get wrinkles and therefore are more beautiful ... the monk, naked as he was, reacted as every virile, red-blooded, straight man would react ... the girl, stupid as she was, did not fail to notice
"monk, what is that ugly thing protruding from that thick black forest betwixt your legs?"
monk:it is the devil my dear
stupid girl: wow, he must be very mad ... will you look at the size of he! saw my
uncle theoderic with a piece like that .... thought he was hiding a
piece of my aunt's famous long bread-
Monk: he wants to be put in hell!
stupid girl: and where should hell be now!
Monk: you brought hell without knowing it!
so the monk demonstrated to the stupid girl how he was going to put his devil in her hell ... he put the devil in six times and the girl complained that the devil was really causing a lot of pain in hell ... afterwards, the girl got so used to having the devil put in her hell that she demanded the monk do so all the time ... now the monk with his deprivation and all was not the best man for the job ... and with time the girl felt like a lion being fed a peanut a day ... the monk said that the devil was already chastened and did not wish to be put in hell but the girl insisted that the fires of hell were still burning brighter and clearer waiting for the devil ... at last, the monk was saved when the girl's father found her and took her away to be given in marriage to another guy ... the girl asked if he would find the devil there and his father promised her so ... and as for the monk ... well, he had memories to live for!
SECOND TALE ... a priest sits in a confession and a dashingly beautiful but extravagantly stupid woman named madonna walks in (this decameron dude must have been sexist ... how come every woman in his tale is taken to be stupid) .... so madonna prattles on about her beauty and goes on and on till it is tedious to listen to her ... the priest however ravishes her beauty and works up a line like the monk did
Priest: madonna ... angel gabriel is so much fascinated with your beauty that he
wants to visit you tonight and admire you himself
Madonna: oh really! ok like when can he come!
Priest: there is a hitch ... he cannot come from heaven in his true form ... he has
to chose the form of a man ... he wants to assume my body ... do you agree!
Madonna: wololoyaye! like why not ... wait till my friends hear i spent a night with
an angel-
Priest: ahem! mums the word ... he prefers discretion
Madonna: bhhhs! alright ... let me not upset him
so at night the priest and madonna do their thing and in the morrow madonna comes back again for the confessional
Madonna: angel gabriel came last night ... i tell you he had so much energy and
passion ... i had to give him such a bite on his left breast that the mark
should remain there forever
Priest: i have no memories of last night whatsoever ... my soul had been taken to
paradise so that angel gabriel could assume my form ... tonight i shall do
something i have never done ... i shall remove my clothes and check that
mark that you speak about ... i have not yet noticed it!
there were about eight other tales ... but these two were the cheekiest ... i never knew that medieval writers could sound so 21st century!
now the worst sex story i have ever heard was about this doctor's wife who used to have aha moments with the milk man (why is it always the milk man) ... so the husband who catches wind of the affair steals in one early evening finds the two asleep, very much exhausted after a very silky dalliance ... the doctor injects the milkman with sedative and proceeds with surgery ... completely removing his testicles and stitching the skin back together ... the milk man woke up much later TO FIND OUT TTHHHHAAAAAAATT ... do not even try to picture how he felt like
Moral of the story: if you sleep with a doctor's wife, you will lose your
testicles
Monday, October 09, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
where angels fear to tread
every day when i wake up, in campus especially, i always have a hard-on ... i know that this is a pretty ridiculous thing to say but if you do not let out some things in a blog where will you ever let them out ... this has made me seek for very ingenious solutions when it comes to walking to the bathroom ... my friend/neighbour caught me the other day and after laughing at me (it was more of a rib-cracking guffaw) said that i had to much 'passion' in my blood and that it was time i got laid
now,there was this former neighbour who used to get his freak-on almost every hour or so ... it comes as a hard surprise that he could still walk after all that ... may be he was on 'kukumanga' or something (if you do not know what that is then you never went to a kenyan high school) ... nways, it was pretty disgusting to hear their moans and all especially when the rest of the 'wingers' were trying to do something more sensible like holding a prayer meeting and a bible study ... and then there was the 'exile' thing that had his roommate locked out every evening ... his roommate was another freak who never minded where he was so long as it was not in his own dig ... he loved hovering around sniffing for free things ... inviting himself whenever there was tea or coffee and taking the cups with which he was served the drinks as mementoes ... he freaked out my roommate one time ... my roomie had gone to the loo and came back to find the dude dead asleep in his bed ... yes, inside his sheets and all ... my roomie was a nice fella, who prayed his rosary daily, in fact he seemed so much holier-than-thou that i used to wonder if his beloved rosary was carved straight from the thigh bones of St. Mary Magdalene ... but that day he dropped that 'good lad' facade and let out a darker of his character that i never wish to see-again!
in campus, people always have problems with their roommates ... there is this girl-buddy of mine(excuse the kenyan english) who had a 'mlokole' roommie in first year ... she too suffered from a different type of 'exile' ... the one in which peeps would be praying hard for the delivery of souls in your room till 4 the next day that you would have to fall asleep elsewhere ... the girl-buddy (let us call her Susan and let the 'savedy' roomie be Angela, so Susan got so disgusted that she wrote a note to angela to stop being ludicrous and being the good christian that she was, be concerned that she susan should get a good nine hours of sleep in her own bed as is required ... the situation was quickly remedied
then(i have to shift to a different paragraph for it is a long story) came second year ... angela who had been to saved for her own good decided to beat the devil at his own game ... now susan again began to hold onto the small end of the stick when it came to finding the comfort of her own bed and this time it was no longer because of prayers or anything but because of endless shagging sessions that angela began to dutifully host ... susan had too look for a single room and angela was left to her own affairs ... angela is a campus nut-case now ... the girl that you do not want to be spotted with in your own room at odd hours
at least for moi i have my own private room after all that drama ... it gives me time to do my own crazy stuff although i miss my former roomie's cups of masala tea that he used to surprise me with every afternoon ... i have started exercizing in my own room ... stretching my limit of push-ups by the day ... i can now manage 30 without breathing to hard and i want to go all the way upto 100 ... my leg raises are also coming good ... i just want to build on my upper body mass because i believe it is healthy and am always eager to try out new exercise routines that i discover on the net, tv etc ... and as for the hard-ons, well i do not believe getting laid is the answer ... am a good lad remember!
now,there was this former neighbour who used to get his freak-on almost every hour or so ... it comes as a hard surprise that he could still walk after all that ... may be he was on 'kukumanga' or something (if you do not know what that is then you never went to a kenyan high school) ... nways, it was pretty disgusting to hear their moans and all especially when the rest of the 'wingers' were trying to do something more sensible like holding a prayer meeting and a bible study ... and then there was the 'exile' thing that had his roommate locked out every evening ... his roommate was another freak who never minded where he was so long as it was not in his own dig ... he loved hovering around sniffing for free things ... inviting himself whenever there was tea or coffee and taking the cups with which he was served the drinks as mementoes ... he freaked out my roommate one time ... my roomie had gone to the loo and came back to find the dude dead asleep in his bed ... yes, inside his sheets and all ... my roomie was a nice fella, who prayed his rosary daily, in fact he seemed so much holier-than-thou that i used to wonder if his beloved rosary was carved straight from the thigh bones of St. Mary Magdalene ... but that day he dropped that 'good lad' facade and let out a darker of his character that i never wish to see-again!
in campus, people always have problems with their roommates ... there is this girl-buddy of mine(excuse the kenyan english) who had a 'mlokole' roommie in first year ... she too suffered from a different type of 'exile' ... the one in which peeps would be praying hard for the delivery of souls in your room till 4 the next day that you would have to fall asleep elsewhere ... the girl-buddy (let us call her Susan and let the 'savedy' roomie be Angela, so Susan got so disgusted that she wrote a note to angela to stop being ludicrous and being the good christian that she was, be concerned that she susan should get a good nine hours of sleep in her own bed as is required ... the situation was quickly remedied
then(i have to shift to a different paragraph for it is a long story) came second year ... angela who had been to saved for her own good decided to beat the devil at his own game ... now susan again began to hold onto the small end of the stick when it came to finding the comfort of her own bed and this time it was no longer because of prayers or anything but because of endless shagging sessions that angela began to dutifully host ... susan had too look for a single room and angela was left to her own affairs ... angela is a campus nut-case now ... the girl that you do not want to be spotted with in your own room at odd hours
at least for moi i have my own private room after all that drama ... it gives me time to do my own crazy stuff although i miss my former roomie's cups of masala tea that he used to surprise me with every afternoon ... i have started exercizing in my own room ... stretching my limit of push-ups by the day ... i can now manage 30 without breathing to hard and i want to go all the way upto 100 ... my leg raises are also coming good ... i just want to build on my upper body mass because i believe it is healthy and am always eager to try out new exercise routines that i discover on the net, tv etc ... and as for the hard-ons, well i do not believe getting laid is the answer ... am a good lad remember!
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