am listening to James Blunt's 'you are beautiful' while writing this

i have been discovered ... not that i have committed any crime but it is just that my blog was my own private secret for my own private thoughts ... it was a way of getting lost from the world, for a moment at least and trying to be this mdkims being ... yea, my siblings finally came to realize that i was the guy behind mdkims after i left a flashdisk hanging around somewhere with my writing ... nways that is all water under the bridge

i have not blogged for a while ... i kinda decided to go for some soul-searching and to find inspirations in the small things of life that people do not usually see in the scurry and scramble that is their wake ... actually i think am a loser when it comes to that ... not that i do not find inspiration just that i find it hard to effectively describe such situations with words ... i expect people to feel what i am feeling without me saying anything ... this has often resulted in odd and unfriendly stares from friends and acquaintances alike

keeping that odd and unfriendly stares in mind, i am reminded of high school and being in form one specifically ... we were coming with this friend of mine, fresh and friendly from laden with good tidingsof chapatis, mahamris, mkarangos, drinking chocolate to be mixed with blueband, cocoa for cold power and a lot of other boola boola that we happened to possess at the time ... then we noticed this strange stares we got from our mono peers ... they hovered like desperate bats in the windows around the administration block waving their arms about at us ... we were like what ... but they only kept rounding their mouths into silent Qs and Os keeping on bloodshot eyes ..we amua to lenga and kept walking proudly like kings ... then as suddenly as the day had been clear and bright it became dark and ominous as a scroungel of form twos appeared from a corridor and passed gently around us ... so gently did they filch from us that it happened right under the noses of the teachers who tried so hard but rather very daftly to protect us ... i still have not figured out what exactly happened but what i do know is that many of the mahamris and chapatis were gone ... and as we went for consolations from our mono peers we realized that their arm-waving and odd-stres thing had been secret morse codes telling us that the form twos were rather dangerous that day ... of course, like hapless baboons they were soon begging us the few remaining pieces of chapos and mahamris and out of our big hearts or lack of otherwise we rather half-heartedly surrendered everything

one of the biggest scares we had as monos was a terryifying word GRADUATION DAY ... we were told that on that day form-fours would beat the chicken out of us all toddlers so that only real men could go and become form twos ... and there were the horrible statistics that on average three boys died every year ... form twos who loved revenging on us for sufferings they felt in their first year told us that even the headmaster dared not stop anyone on that day and locked himself in his house leaving everyone to his own fate ... of course, it was all balderdash ... there was nothing like graduation day but when you are young, callow and craven you can believe any crap around ...

so every evening around third term as the fourth years pressed on towards kcse we began eyeing each other with terrified looks any time we heard a commotion around prep time ... the worst day came when power went out and we were left in the dark ... there was something in the air rather sinister that day and looking back through my memories i cannot quite put my finger on what it was ... all i know is that another guy called isaac and i began firmly assuring everyone that whatever happened we should not scramble off and that if we stuck together we could make a formidable army ... i doubt if anyone was really listening to us for even in the darkness you could feel their eyes dancing around ... then a branch brushed against the window, then another and soon there was such a rush of branches being hit against the windows that it was almost like the sound of the rain ... isaac and i were the first to jump off a corner window ... he was more agile than i and was on the window ledge faster ... i felt as if he was taking such a long while so i pushed him and his trousers got caught on a hook and was all ripped up ... i did not care ... all i knew was that i was going to run to a nearby catholic church and seek for clemency and safety in its sacred altars ... somehow we all had that idea for everyone was following me ... i saw that that was not good and made a point to run faster ... it became nothing more than a point for my limbs did not agree and to see the numbers of teens who rushed past me one would have thought i was actually running backwards ....

that day was quite long but for the school gates were firmly locked and the and the watchman felt nothing for our plight ... slowly we came to realize that it was all in vain ... there was never a graduation day and never was there to be ... in fact, those same fourth years were the same ones who came to commiserate with us thinking we had all gone bonkers ... it finally dawned on us that the whole branches-against-the-windows thing was all the work of a cheeky fellow mono called Leila and his petty gang! we all fell splat into their mudtrap! they had to make themselves very scarce that day and the next for many hands itched to strangle them

one of the worst situations that could have happened to a mono in our time was the hanging-in-the-closet thingy ... form fours shared rooms in twos and the two would connive so that one of them would pretend to be friendly to a mono ... take the mono to their room ... give him cold power, hot power, biscuits, bread (twas the high school delight and most relished), quencher and stuff ... he would even give one a trendy blazer to put on as a point of honour ... then he would excuse himself to go out for something and guess who comes strolling in ... the other roommate and mad as a thousand hells he would be

"form one unafanya nini hapa ... umeanza kumea pembe na kuanza kuniibia eeeee .... ngoja utajua mimi ni nani leo"

between the mouthfuls of bread and hot power the mono would have in his mouth, the mono would scarcely be able to breathe, let alone speak ... the form four would promptly take a hangar, put it inside the trendy blazer with the mono still wearing it and placing him as if he was a piece of cloth in his closet ... the mono would have paid with his blood to be released ... wow, that was one cruel prank!

the thing i remember about the form fours of our time was their determination to bend all rules ... tv and movies had to be off by 10:30 but one time while watching a rather sleazy movie they decided to extend time from 11 ... 12 ... the watchman came in ... put the lights on and demanded that the tv be put off ... he was promptly lifted up like a feather, put inside a drum, a lid was placed on top, someone sat on it to threaten him with kicks if he dared shout, the lights were put on and everyone continued watching the movie calmly as if nothing happened! ....

what a life highschool was!

putting the devil in hell, angel gabriel and other sex stories

decameron was a lovely character ... i met him in a voluminous literature book that me daddy got from the USA ... he was taking something very anti-literature for his first degree and second but trust my father to read any book that falls within his sight

nways, it was a literature book that highlighted all the major epic tales cultivated in the western hemisphere through history ... it is the kind of book that you read in hiding lest people think you are a mad proffessor

decameron ... he lived when everyone in europe was dying because of rats ... though everyone at the time thought that they were being cursed by witches ... so as his friends and probably family kick their life buckets and succumb to death through bubonic plague, decameron writes stories about sex ... wonderful fellow!

the first tale is about a silly girl who wonders to a desert where a monk lived naked, depriving himself of every material item so as to be closer to the provedence ... now silly girls do not think to much ... so they do not get wrinkles and therefore are more beautiful ... the monk, naked as he was, reacted as every virile, red-blooded, straight man would react ... the girl, stupid as she was, did not fail to notice

"monk, what is that ugly thing protruding from that thick black forest betwixt your legs?"
monk:it is the devil my dear
stupid girl: wow, he must be very mad ... will you look at the size of he! saw my
uncle theoderic with a piece like that .... thought he was hiding a
piece of my aunt's famous long bread-
Monk: he wants to be put in hell!
stupid girl: and where should hell be now!
Monk: you brought hell without knowing it!

so the monk demonstrated to the stupid girl how he was going to put his devil in her hell ... he put the devil in six times and the girl complained that the devil was really causing a lot of pain in hell ... afterwards, the girl got so used to having the devil put in her hell that she demanded the monk do so all the time ... now the monk with his deprivation and all was not the best man for the job ... and with time the girl felt like a lion being fed a peanut a day ... the monk said that the devil was already chastened and did not wish to be put in hell but the girl insisted that the fires of hell were still burning brighter and clearer waiting for the devil ... at last, the monk was saved when the girl's father found her and took her away to be given in marriage to another guy ... the girl asked if he would find the devil there and his father promised her so ... and as for the monk ... well, he had memories to live for!

SECOND TALE ... a priest sits in a confession and a dashingly beautiful but extravagantly stupid woman named madonna walks in (this decameron dude must have been sexist ... how come every woman in his tale is taken to be stupid) .... so madonna prattles on about her beauty and goes on and on till it is tedious to listen to her ... the priest however ravishes her beauty and works up a line like the monk did

Priest: madonna ... angel gabriel is so much fascinated with your beauty that he
wants to visit you tonight and admire you himself
Madonna: oh really! ok like when can he come!
Priest: there is a hitch ... he cannot come from heaven in his true form ... he has
to chose the form of a man ... he wants to assume my body ... do you agree!
Madonna: wololoyaye! like why not ... wait till my friends hear i spent a night with
an angel-
Priest: ahem! mums the word ... he prefers discretion
Madonna: bhhhs! alright ... let me not upset him

so at night the priest and madonna do their thing and in the morrow madonna comes back again for the confessional

Madonna: angel gabriel came last night ... i tell you he had so much energy and
passion ... i had to give him such a bite on his left breast that the mark
should remain there forever
Priest: i have no memories of last night whatsoever ... my soul had been taken to
paradise so that angel gabriel could assume my form ... tonight i shall do
something i have never done ... i shall remove my clothes and check that
mark that you speak about ... i have not yet noticed it!

there were about eight other tales ... but these two were the cheekiest ... i never knew that medieval writers could sound so 21st century!

now the worst sex story i have ever heard was about this doctor's wife who used to have aha moments with the milk man (why is it always the milk man) ... so the husband who catches wind of the affair steals in one early evening finds the two asleep, very much exhausted after a very silky dalliance ... the doctor injects the milkman with sedative and proceeds with surgery ... completely removing his testicles and stitching the skin back together ... the milk man woke up much later TO FIND OUT TTHHHHAAAAAAATT ... do not even try to picture how he felt like

Moral of the story: if you sleep with a doctor's wife, you will lose your
testicles