am listening to James Blunt's 'you are beautiful' while writing this

i have been discovered ... not that i have committed any crime but it is just that my blog was my own private secret for my own private thoughts ... it was a way of getting lost from the world, for a moment at least and trying to be this mdkims being ... yea, my siblings finally came to realize that i was the guy behind mdkims after i left a flashdisk hanging around somewhere with my writing ... nways that is all water under the bridge

i have not blogged for a while ... i kinda decided to go for some soul-searching and to find inspirations in the small things of life that people do not usually see in the scurry and scramble that is their wake ... actually i think am a loser when it comes to that ... not that i do not find inspiration just that i find it hard to effectively describe such situations with words ... i expect people to feel what i am feeling without me saying anything ... this has often resulted in odd and unfriendly stares from friends and acquaintances alike

keeping that odd and unfriendly stares in mind, i am reminded of high school and being in form one specifically ... we were coming with this friend of mine, fresh and friendly from laden with good tidingsof chapatis, mahamris, mkarangos, drinking chocolate to be mixed with blueband, cocoa for cold power and a lot of other boola boola that we happened to possess at the time ... then we noticed this strange stares we got from our mono peers ... they hovered like desperate bats in the windows around the administration block waving their arms about at us ... we were like what ... but they only kept rounding their mouths into silent Qs and Os keeping on bloodshot eyes ..we amua to lenga and kept walking proudly like kings ... then as suddenly as the day had been clear and bright it became dark and ominous as a scroungel of form twos appeared from a corridor and passed gently around us ... so gently did they filch from us that it happened right under the noses of the teachers who tried so hard but rather very daftly to protect us ... i still have not figured out what exactly happened but what i do know is that many of the mahamris and chapatis were gone ... and as we went for consolations from our mono peers we realized that their arm-waving and odd-stres thing had been secret morse codes telling us that the form twos were rather dangerous that day ... of course, like hapless baboons they were soon begging us the few remaining pieces of chapos and mahamris and out of our big hearts or lack of otherwise we rather half-heartedly surrendered everything

one of the biggest scares we had as monos was a terryifying word GRADUATION DAY ... we were told that on that day form-fours would beat the chicken out of us all toddlers so that only real men could go and become form twos ... and there were the horrible statistics that on average three boys died every year ... form twos who loved revenging on us for sufferings they felt in their first year told us that even the headmaster dared not stop anyone on that day and locked himself in his house leaving everyone to his own fate ... of course, it was all balderdash ... there was nothing like graduation day but when you are young, callow and craven you can believe any crap around ...

so every evening around third term as the fourth years pressed on towards kcse we began eyeing each other with terrified looks any time we heard a commotion around prep time ... the worst day came when power went out and we were left in the dark ... there was something in the air rather sinister that day and looking back through my memories i cannot quite put my finger on what it was ... all i know is that another guy called isaac and i began firmly assuring everyone that whatever happened we should not scramble off and that if we stuck together we could make a formidable army ... i doubt if anyone was really listening to us for even in the darkness you could feel their eyes dancing around ... then a branch brushed against the window, then another and soon there was such a rush of branches being hit against the windows that it was almost like the sound of the rain ... isaac and i were the first to jump off a corner window ... he was more agile than i and was on the window ledge faster ... i felt as if he was taking such a long while so i pushed him and his trousers got caught on a hook and was all ripped up ... i did not care ... all i knew was that i was going to run to a nearby catholic church and seek for clemency and safety in its sacred altars ... somehow we all had that idea for everyone was following me ... i saw that that was not good and made a point to run faster ... it became nothing more than a point for my limbs did not agree and to see the numbers of teens who rushed past me one would have thought i was actually running backwards ....

that day was quite long but for the school gates were firmly locked and the and the watchman felt nothing for our plight ... slowly we came to realize that it was all in vain ... there was never a graduation day and never was there to be ... in fact, those same fourth years were the same ones who came to commiserate with us thinking we had all gone bonkers ... it finally dawned on us that the whole branches-against-the-windows thing was all the work of a cheeky fellow mono called Leila and his petty gang! we all fell splat into their mudtrap! they had to make themselves very scarce that day and the next for many hands itched to strangle them

one of the worst situations that could have happened to a mono in our time was the hanging-in-the-closet thingy ... form fours shared rooms in twos and the two would connive so that one of them would pretend to be friendly to a mono ... take the mono to their room ... give him cold power, hot power, biscuits, bread (twas the high school delight and most relished), quencher and stuff ... he would even give one a trendy blazer to put on as a point of honour ... then he would excuse himself to go out for something and guess who comes strolling in ... the other roommate and mad as a thousand hells he would be

"form one unafanya nini hapa ... umeanza kumea pembe na kuanza kuniibia eeeee .... ngoja utajua mimi ni nani leo"

between the mouthfuls of bread and hot power the mono would have in his mouth, the mono would scarcely be able to breathe, let alone speak ... the form four would promptly take a hangar, put it inside the trendy blazer with the mono still wearing it and placing him as if he was a piece of cloth in his closet ... the mono would have paid with his blood to be released ... wow, that was one cruel prank!

the thing i remember about the form fours of our time was their determination to bend all rules ... tv and movies had to be off by 10:30 but one time while watching a rather sleazy movie they decided to extend time from 11 ... 12 ... the watchman came in ... put the lights on and demanded that the tv be put off ... he was promptly lifted up like a feather, put inside a drum, a lid was placed on top, someone sat on it to threaten him with kicks if he dared shout, the lights were put on and everyone continued watching the movie calmly as if nothing happened! ....

what a life highschool was!