putting the devil in hell, angel gabriel and other sex stories

decameron was a lovely character ... i met him in a voluminous literature book that me daddy got from the USA ... he was taking something very anti-literature for his first degree and second but trust my father to read any book that falls within his sight

nways, it was a literature book that highlighted all the major epic tales cultivated in the western hemisphere through history ... it is the kind of book that you read in hiding lest people think you are a mad proffessor

decameron ... he lived when everyone in europe was dying because of rats ... though everyone at the time thought that they were being cursed by witches ... so as his friends and probably family kick their life buckets and succumb to death through bubonic plague, decameron writes stories about sex ... wonderful fellow!

the first tale is about a silly girl who wonders to a desert where a monk lived naked, depriving himself of every material item so as to be closer to the provedence ... now silly girls do not think to much ... so they do not get wrinkles and therefore are more beautiful ... the monk, naked as he was, reacted as every virile, red-blooded, straight man would react ... the girl, stupid as she was, did not fail to notice

"monk, what is that ugly thing protruding from that thick black forest betwixt your legs?"
monk:it is the devil my dear
stupid girl: wow, he must be very mad ... will you look at the size of he! saw my
uncle theoderic with a piece like that .... thought he was hiding a
piece of my aunt's famous long bread-
Monk: he wants to be put in hell!
stupid girl: and where should hell be now!
Monk: you brought hell without knowing it!

so the monk demonstrated to the stupid girl how he was going to put his devil in her hell ... he put the devil in six times and the girl complained that the devil was really causing a lot of pain in hell ... afterwards, the girl got so used to having the devil put in her hell that she demanded the monk do so all the time ... now the monk with his deprivation and all was not the best man for the job ... and with time the girl felt like a lion being fed a peanut a day ... the monk said that the devil was already chastened and did not wish to be put in hell but the girl insisted that the fires of hell were still burning brighter and clearer waiting for the devil ... at last, the monk was saved when the girl's father found her and took her away to be given in marriage to another guy ... the girl asked if he would find the devil there and his father promised her so ... and as for the monk ... well, he had memories to live for!

SECOND TALE ... a priest sits in a confession and a dashingly beautiful but extravagantly stupid woman named madonna walks in (this decameron dude must have been sexist ... how come every woman in his tale is taken to be stupid) .... so madonna prattles on about her beauty and goes on and on till it is tedious to listen to her ... the priest however ravishes her beauty and works up a line like the monk did

Priest: madonna ... angel gabriel is so much fascinated with your beauty that he
wants to visit you tonight and admire you himself
Madonna: oh really! ok like when can he come!
Priest: there is a hitch ... he cannot come from heaven in his true form ... he has
to chose the form of a man ... he wants to assume my body ... do you agree!
Madonna: wololoyaye! like why not ... wait till my friends hear i spent a night with
an angel-
Priest: ahem! mums the word ... he prefers discretion
Madonna: bhhhs! alright ... let me not upset him

so at night the priest and madonna do their thing and in the morrow madonna comes back again for the confessional

Madonna: angel gabriel came last night ... i tell you he had so much energy and
passion ... i had to give him such a bite on his left breast that the mark
should remain there forever
Priest: i have no memories of last night whatsoever ... my soul had been taken to
paradise so that angel gabriel could assume my form ... tonight i shall do
something i have never done ... i shall remove my clothes and check that
mark that you speak about ... i have not yet noticed it!

there were about eight other tales ... but these two were the cheekiest ... i never knew that medieval writers could sound so 21st century!

now the worst sex story i have ever heard was about this doctor's wife who used to have aha moments with the milk man (why is it always the milk man) ... so the husband who catches wind of the affair steals in one early evening finds the two asleep, very much exhausted after a very silky dalliance ... the doctor injects the milkman with sedative and proceeds with surgery ... completely removing his testicles and stitching the skin back together ... the milk man woke up much later TO FIND OUT TTHHHHAAAAAAATT ... do not even try to picture how he felt like

Moral of the story: if you sleep with a doctor's wife, you will lose your
testicles